Learning to Stay: Practicing Presence Without Escape
How do we remain present and find stillness in what is?
Practice.
We all have access to stillness, but most of us are trained out of it, with so much vying for our attention; our minds are like an agitated wild horse. For me, the key to practicing present-moment awareness has been ditching alcohol and learning to let go of past and future thinking.
Eckhart Tolle calls the present moment “isness.” And while I resonate with teachings on impermanence, non-reaction and non-attachment, I still wrestle with the question: how do we know when our goals are a healthy expression of self-actualization and when are they driven by ego. I’m still figuring that out.
I’ve come to see presence and stillness as something we practice, not something we have or don't have. It is always available to us. Yoga helps me practice what is, not what should be. And like any meaningful goal: training for a race, learning a new skill, becoming a more conscious parent, or building financial stability, the process is the same: show up, again and again, and take the next right step.
Alcohol never allowed me to do that. In my drinking days, I was rarely present. I was either deep in the past with regret, replaying old narratives, self-blaming or "future tripping" into worry, anxiety, longing. Alcohol was just an escape from those feelings. Alcohol was never the answer. Learning to stay present is the answer.
I have big entrepreneurial goals (my ego? I don't know). A mentor once called them VBHAGs (Very Big Hairy Audacious Goals). I want to leave a legacy of stability and wellbeing to the 7th generation. To break generational curses. To heal intergenerational suffering. But I also want comforts like moving closer to my sister and her family in San Diego. My body wasn’t meant for cold winters.
All of these goals are important to me but they can pull me out of the present moment. Sometimes they stir fear that I won’t complete my soul’s assignment here on Earth. Or, they pull me out of the present moment with all kinds of egoic thinking, like comparison and urgency.
What I’m learning is this: some goals may be egoic but I don't have let go of my deepest held desires. I just need to learn to accept what is. Rather than feeding the ego through comparison, negative self-talk, or future-tripping, I practice resisting the pull into past and future. For me, the practice of presence has required two things:
letting go of alcohol (ditching the booze)
letting go of the stories my mind (ego) tells about who I should be, where I should be, or how fast I should get there.
If presence feels hard, use it as information, not as a failure. A nervous system trained to reach for alcohol, escape, or numbing doesn’t settle on command; it learns through practice. Be gentle with yourself as you practice staying.
Be well on your journey 🧘🏽♀️💫
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