I Gave Up Alcohol and I Didn’t Feel Better Like Everyone Says

The Pink Cloud

At first, I did. I think it’s called the “Pink Cloud” phase—the honeymoon phase before reality sets in. The reality is that recalibration of the mind, body, and spirit is not instant or quick. I didn’t think 90 days was “quick,” but the Universe has other plans and lessons for me to learn.

Everyone online seems to promise that giving up alcohol is the ultimate glow-up, and it is—eventually, I assume. I feel better physically, but I didn’t expect the despair and discontent to feel exactly the same. Whether I drink or not has no bearing on the discontent. Isn’t that odd?

Part of me says, “Welp, we may as well drink then,” and that happened many times on my sober curious journey. But, I am wiser now. Now I’m curious about the lesson in all of this.

Alcohol as the Curtain

Alcohol was never the root problem. It was the curtain I kept pulling shut. It's my ego’s favorite distraction—a way of keeping me from evolving and changing. As much as I wish alcohol was the solution, it was only delaying my healing.

So if you’ve tried to quit drinking before and don’t feel “better” yet, this is for you. Keep going. You’re walking through the woods, like me. And the only way out is through.

Quick Fix Culture

We love quick fixes. We love “before and after” photos. We love the idea that our lives can change with one bold decision. Alcohol is marketed that way—and ironically, so is sobriety.

I bought into it. I thought if I could change my subconscious beliefs and habitual patterns, I would finally solve the mystery and get off the sober curious train.

The truth is, I actually enjoy the freedom of living alcohol-free. I’m not worried about being present for my son, I have endless time to work on my entrepreneurial ideas, I read every night, and I recently started studying Kabbalah and Human Design.

But, I still feel discontent. I’m not sure I ever will be content. Maybe that’s part of my soul’s assignment—to keep striving. I’m learning to be okay with this, even though it doesn’t make sense right now.

The Science of Recalibration

Science tells us that the body and brain undergo massive recalibration after choosing sobriety. Dopamine receptors are adjusting, sleep cycles are rebalancing, and hormones are shifting.

But it’s not just our body—it’s our sense of self. Without alcohol, all the parts of you that have been ignored or silenced are restless, in need of leadership.

Personally, I had to connect with a part of myself that felt terrified about using alcohol because it felt like I “turned the lights off” and checked out of my internal caregiving duties. So, there are parts that want me to drink and also parts that don’t. I have to lead all of my parts through what they are afraid of—just like you do.

Clearing the Stream

I imagine consciousness as a stream of clear water at birth. I look at alcohol like a brown, tainted substance. As we pour it into our bodies and consciousness, the stream becomes murky. When we remove it, our consciousness begins to clear—but purification takes time.

We start off pure, and life adds brown tainted substances such as alcohol for years and years. It can take years and years to clear it out.

You may not feel better yet, but the more brown tainted substance you add, the longer it takes to clear out. The only way out is through.

Becoming a Different Person

You may not feel “better” yet, but reinventing or rediscovering yourself is awkward. Look for ways that you are different, rather than trying to have a similar life without alcohol.

You likely won’t have “fun” the way you used to. Social interactions will look very different. Excitement will look very different. You are becoming a different person.

How exciting—and terrifying.

Who would you be before the world told you what to be?
What did you enjoy doing when you were a kid?
What makes you laugh out loud?
What makes you feel deeply loved, sad, honored, exhilarated, and alive?

Try to discover yourself through books, through nature, through learning, and through curiosity. Where do you resonate in life?

The Soul’s Assignment

I gave up alcohol to feel better, but I continue to abstain to discover and fulfill my soul’s assignment. The ache of discontent was—and still is—driving me insane at times. Maybe this is my “dark night of the soul,” the season that emboldens me to keep going, to get through. I don’t know if I ever will be content, but maybe that’s not the point. I don’t know yet.

I still don’t fully understand why I’m here, but I know it doesn’t include numbing myself to sleep with alcohol. Most days, I’m still learning how to be human. I question why I chose this life and why the path to peace feels so elusive. I have more questions than answers, and perhaps that’s part of my assignment, learning to stay awake in the ambiguity.

For so long, I ignored my gut and stayed asleep. Now, I’m finally waking up. I’m listening. Removing alcohol is just one layer of the process to clear the fog so I can see where I’m going and remember what I came here to do.

Even in the ambiguity, small glimpses of remembering are emerging: moments of synchronicity, clarity, and alignment remind me that I am becoming. They keep me walking on this path.

If you can see yourself in any of this, please know that you’re not alone. I’m walking this path too—just a few steps ahead, clearing the way.

The clearing is real, and we’re walking toward it together.